Of Soba and Chopsticks
by That Endless Mania
Summary: Welcome to the Soba House, a shabby roadside restaurant. The crew? A British kid hopeless at cookery, a Japanese man who suffers from anger management problems, a redheaded chick magnet, and an Asian chick. Yullen, Lavlena. /FOREVERHIATUS/
1. Chapter 1

**AN**

**My first Yullen AU fic! I had plenty of ideas for this whole soba business for quite a while, but I didn't have time to pen it down. But well, here you go now kiddies! :D**

**AN**

**Of Soba and Chopsticks**

**Chapter one**

It started quite innocently. And so simply.

Allen stared at the unrecognizable pieces of what had been originally a kitchen.

_No!_ He wailed in his mind. It was his first day of work as a kitchen help in The Soba House, and he had already promptly screwed the job up and thrown it into the bin. This was even worse than his former job as a dog sitter! Allen would choose getting chewed up by poodles to getting bashed up by a very pissed off Kanda any day. For one thing, at least the dog owner gave Allen money for not suing her.

_Kanda_. Allen snapped out of his reverie, looking at the clock above his head. _Nine fifty three. _The seconds ticked away mercilessly. Allen suppressed his urge to break down and scream his head off.

_How could this be?_ Allen thought somberly to himself. A few hours ago he had still been patting himself on the back, congratulating himself on getting a job at The Soba House…

Rewind: Nine hours ago.

A young British boy poked his head into the door of The Soba House, his grey eyes taking in the neat, crisp design of the restaurant's interior. People were sitting on wooden square chairs and slurping Japanese noodles happily. That was not the reason why Allen Walker came, though. Oh no, he had no money for food, and even if he _did_ have money it automatically went to Cross, his guardian. His hand clutched the cool, metal bars of the door, trembling slightly, which annoyed him. He was nervous, which was surprising, because having taken on multiple jobs since he was in diapers, interviews were nothing new to him.

Just then, a red haired teenager with an eyepatch and rather vulgar body piercings popped up in front of him, clipboard in hand.

'Hello, little boy!' He said cheerily to Allen, making the latter bristle slightly with annoyance. He was fifteen! Not some 'little boy', thank you very much. 'Little boy, you wanna have a kiddy meal? No need to be shy. We have a special kiddy soba set with red flags and a nice free toy that compliments it! And…' before Allen could hear what else the kiddy meal came with, a hand appeared and dragged the teen by his ears, pulling him back.

Allen looked up; an authentic Japanese stood beside the teen, his beautiful features twisted into a discontented look, silky black hair tied in a tied ponytail.

'We don't fucking sell kiddy meals here, rabbit. Stop telling him rubbish,' he snapped to the teen. Rabbit shivered visibly and nodded. 'Yupp, Yuu-chan.'

'Do _not_ call me that,' the Japanese hissed and roughly shoved the teen out of the way.

'I'm Kanda, the head chef of the restaurant,' he spat, and Allen jolted in realization that the very beautiful man was addressing him. 'What can I do for you?'

Looking at Kanda, towering above him, all remaining shreds of whatever courage Allen had left vanished into the thin air. But it was too late to back out, and anyway, Allen rarely backed out. He took a tentative step forward, stepping into the restaurant, letting the cool air conditioning smother his fear slightly.

'I want to apply for a job here,' he said, realizing how stupid it sounded, especially after Lavi had deflated his ego by offering him a…kiddy meal, non existent as it was.

Kanda raised an appraising eyebrow. 'Alright,' he scowled, as if looking at Allen alone was a highly unpleasant task itself. He led Allen through the neat wooden tables, into the neatly kept kitchen and pulled out a chair from the kitchen counter.

'Sit,' he ordered, at which Allen hurried to comply. Kanda pulled out a clipboard.

'Name.'

'Allen Walker.' Allen sneaked a glance at the impressive looking man in front of him, digging his nails into his palms, a habit that occasionally surface whenever he was nervous.

'Experience.' Kanda looked uninterested at the young British boy sitting in front of him. Bored, even.

'You said in your sign that I didn't need any experience,' Allen explained. Kanda raised an eyebrow and said nothing more.

'Age.'

'Fifteen.' Allen cringed. Kanda made no response to Allen's obvious youthfulness. If anything, he just snorted under his breath.

'Work hours?'

'Um…' Allen ran through his schedule in his head. Ten at night to two in the morning, tending the bar near his house. Seven to twelve, car repairs at the other end of the town. That left noon to ten at night for this job.

'Well?' Kanda asked, starting to tap the pen on the clipboard with impatience.

'No-noon to ten at night,' said Allen. 'Monday to Sunday.'

'Alright,' Kanda announced. 'You got the job.'

Allen looked up. _But I thought I'd fried this interview_, he thought as he still stared blankly at Kanda.

'I said,' Kanda repeated slowly, annoyance flashing on his refined features, 'you got the job. You're hired.'

'Uh…yes, sir.' Allen leapt to his feet.

'We'll start from today. Alright with you?'

'Yeah. So what do I…' Before Allen could continue, a loud, unearthly growl could be heard.

Kanda's eyebrows shot up to the ceiling. Allen wished desperately to dig a hole in the ground so that he could curl up and die.

'You ate lunch?' Kanda asked. Allen nodded his head. No need to be truthful; this happened before- his employer gave him food, only to deduct huge chunks of money from Allen's already meager paycheck. Allen wasn't going to buy it a second time. Oho, he was young, but not stupid.

Kanda snorted in disbelief, obviously not buying his lie. 'Oi, rabbit!' he called out, and Rabbit appeared in a flash, smiling at the both of them. 'Yes, what can I do for you, Yuu-Chan?'

Kanda's eyes flashed dangerously. ' Do _not_ call me that. Give this boy food. _Now_.'

'But I'm not hungry!' Allen protested in vain. Kanda, who had obviously chosen not to listen to Allen's pathetic cries, walked away loftily, leaving Allen to stare glumly at the spotless kitchen counter.

Minutes later, Rabbit appeared, plodding a steaming bowl of soba soup in front of Allen. _It smells really really good_, Allen thought, looking at the white, sleek noodles swimming happily in soup.

'Eat them.' Rabbit grinned. 'I heard you got the job? I'm Lavi, another kitchen helper, nice to meet you.' The two of them shook hands. 'Grats, now I've got someone to torture Yuu-chan together with.' He laughed, as if it were a big joke.

'Uhh…' Allen prodded at his noodles, then looked at Lavi. 'Lavi…do I have to…_pay_ for this?'

'What? The noodles?' Lavi roared with laughter. 'Dear God, no, of course not. Kanda's not a scheming little ball. He may have his anger management problems, but he doesn't ill-treat his employees. Oh well, not really. Unless you provoke him.' Lavi grinned. Allen sighed with relief, and dug into the noodles happily.

Lavi looked at Allen in alarm.

'Holy cow, Allen. Have you been, like, deprived of food for three days?'

''Glose,' Allen said through a mouthful of soba noodles. 'My 'uardian 'oesn'd gimme 'ood.'

'Uh huh,' said Lavi, not bothering to understand the incoherent words. He stared at Allen in wonder. 'Well, eat slowly, buddy. Your noodles won't grow legs and run away. Don't get us all sued for dying of suffocation after choking on our noodles.' Which Allen promptly did. Lavi slapped Allen's back, his eyes twinkling.

'I think,' he announced, triumphantly, 'You and I are going to get on quite well.'

-

'This', Kanda said, kneading the dough, ' is how you knead the dough to make noodles. Oi, Moyashi, are you listening?'

Allen gave a start as he snapped into attention. Did his employer just call him a _beansprout_?

'Err...yes.' Allen lied. Well, he'd just have to get Lavi to teach him again later. Allen stifled a yawn. This was what you get for running on approximately three hours of sleep a day.

'Che. Right,' said Kanda, looking at Allen. 'Well, you'd better. I'm going out at night, and will only be back at ten. If you mess up, you're gonna pay. Big time.'

Allen did not doubt Kanda's words.

-

After Kanda had gone out, Lavi began to complain of a splitting stomachache.

'Owe,' he cried, sitting on a chair and groaning. 'This sucks. I think it was the lunch I ate. Should've known better than to buy those hamburgers on the street. Ugh.'

'Why don't you go home?' asked Allen while washing the bowls.

'You sure you can handle it?' Lavi looked at Allen doubtfully. 'I mean, you're like a little kid.'

Allen stiffened. 'I'm _not_ a little kid!' he huffed. 'I _can_ do this, Lavi,' he said, earnestly. 'I really can.'

Lavi stood up. 'Alright, then. Ugh, fucking stomachache. Antacids won't save it this time…' he murmured to himself as he packed his things.

-

Allen was starting to regret his actions wholeheartedly. Oh, why did he want to play hero and attempt to do everything alone? Now the whole kitchen was in a big mess, and customers were starting to complain about the 'long waiting time' and 'inefficiency' of then new kitchen helper.

'Someone just shoot me,' he murmured miserably to himself. Then he pulled himself together. Oh well, he was just going to try and make those noodles again.

-

If the situation was _messy_ just now, then it could be described as an _unearthly disaster_ right now.

The dough in the mixing bowls had risen to monstrous proportions; the stove had set off the smoke alarm twice; the kitchen floor was soiled with flour and spilled soya sauce. There were the remains of the last egg in the microwave, and the sink was literally boiling from the hot soup that had splashed out when Allen tried to pour the noodles in.

Which brought Allen to his current situation.

Dead, Allen groaned. I'm so dead.

Allen stared out of the window and spotted Kanda's black car pulling into the driveway and knew that his premonition had come true.

**AN**

"What 'premonition'! It sounds off! And your story should be longer!" – ap (my beta)

**A cliffie at the first chapter. So sue me, people :D**

**Oh well, just review it (especially if you agreed with ap, hoho). **

**Ps. Plagiarism sucks, and I know it. So if any of you kind souls have seen a fic similar to mine, please tell me. I'll try to make it as different from the original one as possible (oh well, as much as my intelligence allows me to) ._.**

**AN**


	2. Chapter 2

**A very long A/N –MUST READ-**

**This chapter was one heck of a trouble. I realised that there was a giant plot hole halfway while writing it, so I rewrote it again. Then I lost the rewritten version and had it written again. But my determination won through and I finally got everything done! Sometimes, my amazing intellect surprises myself :DD**

**And some of you might realise that I changed the summary. Well, I had a nagging feeling that I read my previous summary somewhere else before. Then I realised that it was very similar to Novelist Pup's Any Way You Want It (it's awesome, by the way. Go and read it, it gives your life a sense of purpose).**

**Oh yes, and pardon me for this suckish chapter. Yes, this chapter sucks, totally, even after I edited it like, 3 times? Especially the beginning. Even if the beginning sucks, just read on. Because it's the suckishest part -_- **

**And I know some of you have asked me to make my chapters longer. I tried my best, but I won't trade quality for length. Just so you know. And I'll try to make the next chapter nice. I swear. Please? –cowers in fear at the object thrown by pissed off readers-**

**Viva La Vida!**

**x3HAYden**

**A/N**

Allen was still sitting on the floor in distress, attempting to pry the noodles glued onto the floor with a fork when Kanda opened the door.

Allen turned to Kanda, attempting to turn the situation around. 'Ahaha! Surprise!' he said, spreading his arms out. As expected, Kanda was not amused.

Kanda stared at the kitchen with an unreadable expression on his face. Allen watched as Kanda's eyes hovered over the mess. He watched as imaginary steam started to pour from Kanda's ears. He watched as thunderclouds started to gather and loom ominously over Kanda's head.

Allen watched as Kanda get very, very mad.

'Can you _please_ tell me what happened, Allen?' Kanda hissed, radiating cold fury, his voice barely audible.

Kanda actually said _please_. Allen wasn't sure if he was liking this. The tension in the kitchen was so thick, it could be snipped neatly into two with a pair of scissors. For five seconds, no one spoke.

'Moyashi,' Kanda glowered. 'I want your excuse before I run you over with my car. Now.'

Allen opened his mouth and barely managed a gurgle.

'Moyashi, I'm counting to zero.'

'Alright!' Allen blabbered desperately. 'La-Lavi went home 'cause he had stomachache, so I let him go and tried to handle the kitchen by myself, and then it got… kinda screwed.'

Kanda snapped.

'Fuck you, brat,' Kanda was in front of Allen in a flash. '"Kinda screwed"? this fucking place looks like the aftermath of Hiroshima bombing, twerp. You are so fucking dead.'

_Oh my god_ (though he'd ceased to believe in His existence a good hour and a half ago), Allen thought to himself. _I'm going to die here. I'm fifteen, and I'm going to get stabbed with chopsticks by a madman in a restaurant selling Japanese noodles._ Allen felt so indignant, he wanted to wail. He was a good, innocent boy! He asked for _world peace_ at the age of six. Three years ago, aged twelve, he was still attempting to breed chocolate bunnies for Easter. And all he got in return was to meet the various collections of bastard on earth. The world generally hated him. Oh well, if there were any condolences, his death would be worth the sorry face of his guardian. Served that old fart right to make Allen overwork to death. Okay, technically, he didn't die of exhaustion. But he wouldn't tell his guardian that. Well, he couldn't, anyway, he would be laying in his coffin, cheesy holes in his stomach and all, and bidding farewell to this cold, cruel, bastard ridden world…

'Moyashi, ARE YOU DAYDREAMING?! YOU FUCKING DUMB?!' Kanda hauled Allen up to his feet. Allen cringed, squeezing his eyes shut as Kanda brought his slender frame to the whitewashed walls (the only place unblemished by Allen's unfortunate venture in the kitchen) with a bang.

Allen's eyelids fluttered open. Kanda was inches away from him, at a literal 'nose-to-nose' length that was a little too close for comfort. Allen's eyes sought distraction (and solace) in Kanda's lips. Big mistake. Even when curled up with anger they were beautifully formed. Totally yummy to kiss.

_Okay, fuck_. Allen's mind was malfunctioning at the brink of death. Mustering all the courage in him, his eyes slowly shifted up Kanda's lips…up his straight, proud nose…and reached Kanda's eyes.

'Oh?' Sneered the Boss From Hell. 'So, you're finally making eye contact? Well, I'm not taking any of this. You fucking well clear the kitchen by tomorrow when the shop opens. I'll use your teeth to _pry_ the noodles off the ground if I need to. And _after_ you've cleared everything, I'd-'

The door untimely banged open.

'YO, PEEPS! HOW'S IT GOIN'?'

Allen and Kanda turned their head simultaneously towards the kitchen door.

Lavi stood at the door, half his body in the kitchen and the other half outside of it. His gaze flickered from Kanda, to the kitchen, back to Kanda, then to the kitchen again. Then he hastily took a step back. Animal instincts.

'What happened?' he asked, though he needn't.

'The fucker mucked up the entire kitchen,' Kanda narrowed his eyes as he stared frostily at Lavi. 'He said that _you_ took your time off early and left him to deal with the restaurant. Could you please affirm the fact.'

'Yeah, so I did. I really had stomachache,' Lavi replied, looking affronted. 'But I'm coming back now to check on the restaurant, aren't I?'

'Well, too late,' Kanda said drily.

'Err…Yuu,' Lavi started, but Kanda cut in with an unearthly roar. 'DON'T – CALL – ME – THAT – YOU – FUCKER.'

Lavi licked his lips nervously. 'I-I mean, Kanda _Sir_, could you _please_… release Allen? That poor guy is suction cupped onto the wall by you. You wouldn't wanna be sued for grievous bodily harm.'

'So now _he's_ the victim, eh?' Kanda spat, though he loosened his grip on Allen, who began to breathe again as his legs finally touched the ground.

'No, I'm not trying to say that,' Lavi said desperately. 'But you can't just blame him. You can't expect a newb like him to cook like a fucking pro the first day. Not everyone's like you, Kanda.'

His attempt to butter Kanda up failed miserably. 'Well, but no _newb_ will fucking blow up a kitchen, either.'

'I-I'll pay for the damages incurred.'

Kanda and Lavi snapped their head back at the source of the voice. It was Allen, massaging the back of his bruised neck where Kanda had promptly strangled, and wincing while he did.

'I'll pay for the damage repairs with my salary. I'll work for free for a week. Two weeks. Well, as many weeks as I need to,' Allen hastily added, upon seeing Kanda's homicidal glare.

'No, brat. I will _not_ allow you to come into the fucking restaurant ever again,' Kanda snapped. 'If I ever set my eyes on you again after this, you will disappear off the face of this earth.'

'But, Kanda!' Argued Lavi.

'He will _not_ come to the restaurant again. Over my dead Mugen.'

Allen didn't know what Mugen was, but he wisely kept his curiosity in check.

'Wait a second, Yuu,' Lavi scrambled desperately, hastily walking towards the duo while flailing his arms as he stepped over a wad of green tea noodles gummed obstinately on the creamy white tiles. 'You're saying you're firing the guy _you_ hired after 10 hours of work?!'

'Just be happy that he can live to see tomorrow,' was Kanda's reply.

'You can't!' Lavi wailed. 'There's finally someone who isn't a complete PMS-ish bitch working in the restaurant, and you're firing him?! You can't do that!'

Luckily, Kanda's brain was so smothered with anger that he did not realise that Lavi had just insulted him.

'Yes.'

'You can't.'

'I'm the head chef. Now shut the fuck up.'

'Yuu, if you fire him, _I'll quit_.'

Kanda stiffened. His eyes started to twitch. This was not good. The last time Kanda's eyes twitched he'd bound, gagged, and locked Lavi in the store room of the restaurant overnight. **(A/N: Muahahha. Yes, I'm going to elaborate on this particular event when I have time. Let's just say it's a parody involving crabs, buckets, tea leaves and a very pissed Kanda.)**

'_You will not do that_.' Kanda's voice was so chilly, Allen half expected icicles to sprout from the ceiling.

'I will, if you fire Allen.' Lavi was smiling smugly. 'You think I care about money? Old panda's rolling in money. My doorknob alone can rival your monthly pay, you know? Anyway, if you do fire me, there will be no one else left in the restaurant to work.'

Lavi paused, looking at Kanda whose face was now a deep, unhealthy shade of purple.

'And,' Lavi relished the feeling of the words of his winning argument being rolled in his tongue, 'If _she _finds out that I'm gone, she won't be happy. And if _she_ tells Komui about this, who knows what might happen?'

Allen had no idea who Komui was, or what Lavi was talking about. Even so, he was so happy he could cry. This was about the kindest thing anyone has ever done for him since he was ten.

'It's okay…' he tugged at Lavi's sleeves and whispered. 'Don't piss him off.'

'Keep out of this. I'll sort it out for you, kiddo,' Lavi whispered and winked to Allen, who was so relieved that he did not take offense at Lavi's choice of words in addressing him.

'Now,' Lavi said, turning to Kanda. 'What is your choice, _Kanda_?'

There was silence.

Then Kanda stepped towards Allen.

'Clear all the shit away from my kitchen. You'd better report to work by noon _sharp_ tomorrow, or I will personally pluck out your fingernails and shove them up your puny ass.'

And then he was gone.

**A/N**

**My goodness, it's finally finished. My beta wasn't able to beta because she's banned from the com, so my apologies for whatever mistakes there are there.**

**One more thing: Have any of you worked in a restaurant before (preferably selling noodles)? If you do, please tell me, because I've never stepped in the kitchen of a restaurant before, let alone a jap one. Don't worry, I won't spam your mailbox with brainless questions. Just some occasional questions, because I really do not know what chefs do in restaurants D;**

**Cheers!**

**x3HAYden**

**ps. For those of you who asked, this story is updated once a week, usually on Saturday afternoons :D**


	3. Chapter 3

**I apologize for the later than expected 3rd installment for this story. I do have a good reason for the absence of this fic from 2pm yesterday until now, though. But it's stashed right at the end, because I don't want to spoil the bubbly (?) mood you guys are in presently D:**

**Also, hints of Chaoji bashing coming up.**

**Viva la vida!**

-

Allen reached The Soba House promptly at ten the next day, unwilling to incur the wrath of Kanda (which was, something he'd learnt the hard way, a very unwise thing to do). Poking his snowy white head tentatively into the restaurant, he looked around, hoping to catch sight of Lavi.

The Gods must have forsaken him, because it was Kanda, who was serving food, that spotted him first.

'Moyashi,' he snapped, apparently still moody from Allen's escapade in the kitchen the day before. Then again, he rarely greeted anyone with anything near to a smile on his face before. 'I need someone to serve the fucking dishes. Rabbit's late again, and Chaoji is almost as useless as you.'

Allen obediently stepped into the restaurant.

Kanda stared.

-

Lavi merrily halted his motorcycle, the pristine possession that he would guard with his life. It was a dark brown, almost black, with blue flames licking it on the sides. It was amazing how anyone could see the original colour of the motorcycle, though. Lavi had donned a generous amount of stickers of beach beauties upon the 'piece of metallic junk', at least according to a very pissed Kanda when Lavi had almost literally crashed into the Soba House.

He leapt down from the motorcycle/ chick fridge, which clearly took after its owner.

'Time for work,' he sang merrily to himself. Although Kanda was a bitch, he was a sexy one (especially, or at least according to Lavi's warped mind, when Kanda was angry). It was fun to work with the Japanese man, to say the least. It was also exceedingly pleasurable to see Little Yu's reaction to most of his antics. Actually, one would hardly call these reactions pleasurable, but Lavi didn't mind. He was a masochist.

And now, there was a fucking Brit working with them! A fucking adorable honest-to-goodness Brit! With snowy white hair, and really sexy eyes and all. Allen was so cute, Lavi wished that he were a girl so that he could rape him/her. Or something.

Lavi chuckled at the ridiculous fantasy as he stepped into the restaurant. He swiftly made his way through the crowds, waving to Chaoji who grinned stupidly at him. Lavi winced. As masochistic as he was**,** he didn't want to suffer this badly. He looked at the tables, which were filling rapidly. Lavi grinned. The restaurant was old and badly in need of repairs, but this was made up, more than enough, by Kanda's cookery, which people got addicted to like a drug addict to cocaine.

He was still grinning as he opened the kitchen doors.

Then he stopped.

And snorted.

And started to laugh.

And laughed some more.

And laughed till he bent down.

Lower.

And lower.

Till he rolled on the floor.

The course of the sudden spasm of... laughter (it was a light way of putting it) was Allen.

Allen's body was a monstrosity. He looked like a macadamia chocolate snowmen. or those poor kids in Africa you see on TV, where they have bulging abdomens and sticks for limbs (**AN: No offense. But on my defense, it is true. You always see them on TV, and when you don't, on your com. Curses of the IT age.**) Allen had donned upon himself the most hideous winter coat possible, which was decorated with cheery dark yellow urine coloured patches, and heavily accented with two happy as-white-as-his-hair furballs sticking out symmetrically from his chest. As if that wasn't epic enough, bedecked on the cuffs were mini brown colour pompoms. Not to mention the crimson-and-green scarf that adorned said person's neck, with a small banana dangling off it.

'What!' snarled the Walking Fashion Disaster uncharacteristically, his face turning beetroot. 'It was really cold, alright?! And I had no winter coats except for this one. Timcanpy ripped my other one into shreds. Lavi, are you listening?'

'No,' said Kanda beside him. 'He's too busy laughing. Let's pray that he dies of suffocation.'

'OHmyholymotherfuck,' said Lavi, who was gasping with laughter. 'They let you, like, walk down the street in this? Won't you like, get arrested or something?'

'Ha-di-da,' Allen rolled his eyes.

But Lavi's eyes were already travelling off Allen. They were now zooming in on Kanda, who had a disturbingly constipated look on his purple face. Then he snorted. And then the edges of his lips curled up half a millimetre. And another. And another. And…

Lavi was torn between being horrified and shocked. He chose the former.

YU. WAS. LAUGHING.

'YUUUU!' Lavi shrieked, 'LITTE YUUUU LAUGHED!'

Kanda snapped back into his usual icy demeanor.

'I did not,' he said frostily.

Lavi's eyes darted from Allen to Kanda, his mind still deciding on which was more horrifying.

'You laughed, Kanda,' he choked out. 'I can't believe this.'

'I didn't.' Kanda scowled.

'Okay, you didn't,' admitted the redhead as he regained his composure. 'But the ends of your mouth kinda sorta curled up.' Lavi reached out to pat Kanda, who couldn't duck fast enough. 'Anyway it's alright, little Yu. You can't overtire your muscles. A grin's plenty good. I mean, you haven't smiled in like, what, ten years?'

'Fuck off,' was Kanda's generous reply.

'Alright, alright,' Lavi complained, still unwilling to go. He strapped on his apron and pushed Allen, who was still rooted on the ground with embarrassment. 'Go on, little chocoball,' he cooed. 'I'll show you around the kitchen.'

Kanda snorted as he saw the retreating figures. Then he hastily coughed back another bout of laughter that was threatening to invade his well guarded face.

-

Thus began Allen's life as a kitchen helper.

Kanda strictly forbade Allen to have any contact with dough and flour (he threatened to break Allen's fingers and stuff them up his nose if he did), so all he could do was to dice vegetables, take orders and serve food. But he turned out to be almost as popular as Lavi. Everyone liked the polite, adorable teen as much as they liked the hilarious, flirty and dirty mouthed redhead. Like Lavi, Allen had a surprisingly glib tongue that could talk customers into buying more than they intended.

After a few days of work, Allen became surprisingly adept with the kitchen work (though Kanda still guarded the noodles with his life). He also warmed up to a few regulars.

First was Lenalee Lee, an Asian chick that came every weekday after her design courses at a nearby colleague to dig into a bowl of cold green tea noodles. During that period of time, Lavi would suspiciously brandish a mop and start tofuriously mop around her general vicinity (and Lavi never touched the mop at any other time of the day, he claimed that it deflated his intelligence). Then he would start talking to her about everything under the sun. And over it.

Allen liked Lenalee too, but in a different, big-sister sense. Lenalee was kind, she always had a gentle smile for Allen, and best of all, she always tipped Allen generously.

The problem was that, however, whenever Lenalee left, Lavi would still be stuck in his trancelike status:

Allen: We're running out of carrots. Lavi, do you know when the supplier's going to come?

Lavi: She smiled at me! Did you see it?!

Allen: Shit, I just dropped a raw egg onto your shoes.

Lavi: and she said 'see you'. Do you think it's those kind of 'I-can't-wait-to-talk-to-you-again' kind of 'see you'? or those casual 'I-don't mind-seeing-you-again' kind of 'see you?' or those 'I-don't-want-to-see-you-again, but-am-too-polite-to-say-so' kind of 'see you'?'

Allen (last ditch attempt in getting Lavi to acknowledge his existence): Kanda is prancing on the kitchen counter and singing to his soup ladle.

Lavi: She has the cutest little ass.

But Allen didn't blame Lavi. Who could blame him? Lenalee was pretty, had a heartbreaking figure and a smile capable of lighting up the whole of Japan for a day. And Lavi was attracted to chicks like bees to a honey pot.

On weekends, Lenalee would come with her older brother, Komui Lee, the actual owner of the restaurant ('yet he doesn't do a fucking thing!' Kanda would always grumble). During these times, Lavi would feign ignorance and wisely not partake in any conversation with Lenalee. And Kanda, on the other hand, grumpily, unwillingly and begrudgingly, would whip up dishes to satisfy Komui.

Whenever Komui came, however, they would lock up all the alcoholic beverages into the cupboards and hide the key. This was a lesson learnt when the last time Komui drank half a cup of wine, he deluded himself into thinking that all the men present in the Soba House were courting his precious Lenalee.

The result was, as expected, disastrous.

The damage repairs lasted two weeks, Lavi had his nose smashed and they almost got sued. Business was nil for a month till Lenalee came up with the brilliant idea of an all-you-can-eat buffet.

It was also all Kanda could do to not lock every single bottle, glass and can of alcoholic drink and swallow the key.

The next regular customer was Miranda Lotto. And whenever she came, Kanda had to be quarantined in the kitchen. The mere sight of Kanda's scowling brought Miranda into a full scale panic attack.

Krory, a shy, lanky man with slick black hair and a long, asymmetrical fringe would come on Sundays, ordering a huge bowl of bone soup and slurping it with a manner extremely unbefitting of his looks. Recently, though, he would bring a 'blonde babe' (that was Lavi's affectionate nickname for Eliade) along with him. she was extremely fussy, however, turning her nose at everything. But she was extremely partial to raw egg soba, and soon, her 'sexy pouty mouth' (also according to Lavi) would be too full to utter a word. And of course, after she'd eaten her fill and complained about everything from the potted plants to the chopsticks and to the curtains, she would sashay away, leaving Krory to foot the bill.

Chaoji was a kitchen helper that worked from morning till mid afternoon daily, and whenever he went, everyone would be more than glad to see him go.

'He's so dumb, he makes little Yuu look smart!' Lavi once remarked, and his prompt reply from Kanda came in the form of a fist and quite a few stars.

-

Allen soon learnt to enjoy the company of Lavi and the customers. Kanda was okay if unprovoked, provided Allen was not within a metre radius of the dough. But Allen didn't really mind.

He liked watching Kanda cook.

Whenever Kanda was making noodles, Allen would place himself discreetly at a place where he could see Kanda, and gaze at the older m**a**n. When Kanda cooked, no one disturbed him. No one in his right mind dared to, anyway. Even the birds outside the window ceased all chirping. Kanda would knead the dough, his perfectly formed muscles rippling beneath the fabric of his black shirt. Then he would weave out strands of perfectly formed noodles and toss them deftly into the steaming pot, before swiftly pulling them out.

'Remember the first time you ate the noodles I cooked?' Lavi asked Allen, who nodded. 'Well, if you think it's good, then no word's gonna describe Yuu's soba. He's the only reason why this business is still running.**'**

'A pity he's such a bastard,' Allen sighed.

Lavi cocked an eyebrow. 'It's precisely because of that bastard that our life is interesting.'

Even Allen could not argue with that.

-

'Brat.'

It was ten on a Sunday night, and Allen was just about to rush for his other job across the town. He turned back,

Kanda stood behind him, in a tight black shirt that followed the contours of his well built chest; and a pair of dark jeans. He had an envelope **i**n his hands, and the usual exceedingly sour expression on his face.

'Moyashi, take it,' he shoved the envelope into Allen's hands.

Allen opened the envelope, peeking at its contents.

He raised his head.

'That's…money,' he remarked, uncertainly.

'Oh, no,' snapped Kanda sarcastically. 'I'm giving you monopoly notes.'

'You mean…this is my pay?'

'Brat, you're fucking thick,' Kanda was beginning to turn impatient. 'Yes, this is your pay.'

'Then the repairs…'

Kanda dismissed it with a wave of his hand. 'Che, I'm not a bloody miser, potato,' he remarked, scrutinizing Allen in his huge brown winter coat. Then he walked off, leaving a rather dazed Allen behind.

'…So now I'm a potato too?'

**AN**

**:D I am so proud of myself! I rushed through this whole thing in like, what, one hour?**

**Allow me to explain.**

**There is person on FF that has been terrorizing me (correct use of words, no?). I shall not reveal his/her name, because I, unlike him/her, am so not a bitch. Anyway, he/she has been sending me multiple PMs asking me to change the center pairing to LAVLEN. I mean WTF?! Have I not made it clear enough that this is an honest-to-goodness YULLEN fic?! I mean, if you like Lavlen, go write it yourself. There is no good or bad pairing, there is only a well written or **_**not**_** well written story (heck, a good writer can make ChaojiXKomui look good.)**

**I am warning you only once: if you send one more PM to me, a particular YULLEN fic called Of Soba and Chopsticks will disappear off forever.**

**Cheers.**

**Ps. A big THANKYOU to all of you who offered your help to me! (regarding my pathetic pleas last chapter) :D I was quite surprised to see 8 people telling me that they work/ worked in restaurants and am willing to help me. I love you guys!**

**Pps. MJ died! :O I was itching to post about this. A random thought, but won't it be cool if like, a hundred years down the road, someone digs his grave out and discovers a plastic nose or something? :D **

**Ppps: ANYONE GUESS WHAT SPECIES TIMCANPY IS (I was sick of everyone referring to him as a dog)? IF YOU GUESS IT CORRECTLY, THE NEXT CHAPPIE IS DEDICATED TO YOU :D**


	4. Chapter 4

**After 4 months of hiatus I'M BACK :D Kiss my feet, baybees!**

**THIS CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO ONNA RAN. **

**TIM IS AN IGUANA :D I got the idea from Foxtrot (Copyrighted: Bill Amend). Actually, most of my warped humour was derived from there. Heheh.**

**[EDITED: IMPORTANT :O]**

**I may or may not be deleting/discontinuing this fic from next year onwards, depending (though not entirely) on the reader's poll at my profile page :D I'm deciding on continuing/ deleting some of my fics and I need help with the filtering. :D So please do visit my profile page, .net/~x3hayden, and drop a poll :D Thanks!**

* * *

It all started with the abandoned church opposite the Soba House.

The church had been forsaken by its followers ten years ago. The tiles were leaking, the gardens were overrun with wild weeds and someone (Allen heavily suspected it was Lavi) had changed the sign from 'God is Love' to 'doG is Love' [1]. No one had truly recognised its existence – that is, until the machines rolled in and started smashing the sad building into even smaller, more pathetic pieces.

'They're demolishing the old church,' Allen remarked one day when the trio were in the kitchen preparing food.

'Are you blind, sprout? It started, like, two weeks ago,' snapped Kanda the same time Lavi said, 'I hope they're getting a bar or something.'

A period of rare silence enveloped the room, then Allen started sniffing.

Lavi was startled. 'Allen, since when do you cry when Yuu scolds?'

'It's not me,' threw back Kanda loftily. 'The saint's crying because he can't bear to see the church go.'

'Neither,' Allen said between tears. 'It's the onions.'

Kanda rolled his eyes. 'For crying out loud, give me the fucking onions.'

'No,' said Allen before bursting into a fresh flood of tears. His eyes blurred and the knife took off a generous chunk from his thumb. 'Yeowch!' He yelled, and the knife dropped onto the floor with a resounding clang.

'Find the brat the most idiotproof job, and he still manages to screw it up,' murmured Kanda under his breath. Allen ignored his comment and jerked his other intact thumb toward the window. 'Look!' he exclaimed. 'The workers are hammering a new sign board to the building!'

Everyone looked out of the window (through a hole in the curtain).

'It says…Hoah's dicks and chicks,' squinted Lavi.

'I can't see, my eyes are blurred,' said Allen.

'Noah's Fish and Chips, you weed,' said Kanda and his 20/20 eyesight.

'How'd you know you're correct?' retorted Lavi.

'Because my answer makes sense and you only have one eye, Cyclops,' Kanda snorted.

'Hey,' said Allen through his tears. 'Will they snatch our business away?'

'That will be the day Cyclops wears clothes with lesser than fifteen colours,' said Kanda, and that was the end of the subject.

* * *

…Until Noah's Fish and Chips officially opened three weeks later.

'Holy mother fuck,' said Lavi as he peered through the curtain's hole. 'They have three stories and a fucking neon sign.'

'We have one storey and a sign reading "The Soba Ho",' added Allen unhelpfully.

'We also have a gay carroteater, an imbecile kid and a characterless blob of self pity,' remarked Kanda as he saw Chaoji lumber into the kitchen.

'Yuu Chan! You're not a characterless blob of self pity!' cried Chaoji passionately.

Kanda rolled his eyes; America was a free country. Too bad one couldn't sue for stupidity.

* * *

It was the third day since Noah's Fish and Chips had opened and the soba house had lesser customers than flies. Lavi and Allen were moping around in the restaurant while Kanda meditated in the kitchen.

'Fag,' moaned Lavi, idly dipping his fingers into a bowl of beaten egg and licking it.

'Don't,' said Allen. 'It's uncivilized.'

'My language or my eating of raw eggs?'

'Both. Oh, that and your clothes.'

Lavi grinned and gulped down a bowl of raw beaten eggs in a mouthful. Then he sighed. 'I don't get why people aren't coming here,' mused Lavi, licking the edges of his mouth with a pointy tongue. 'I mean, look at us! The food is good and the waiters are even hotter.'

'Waiters? You mean us?' Allen asked.

'Oh my. You don't realise that you're hot?' Lavi asked as he proceeded to lick the bowl.

'Kanda calls me a wilted sprout,' frowned Allen. 'So…'

Lavi rolled his eyes. 'Kanda thinks that Megan Fox needs a boob job,' he imitated Allen's tone. Then he leaned forward at Allen, narrowing his eyes. 'So. Do you think Kanda's hot?'

Allen thought back to the times he had secretly stared at Kanda in the kitchen. 'I…I don't know. I don't usually look at him,' he lied as his cheeks reddened. Then he coughed hastily.

Lavi narrowed his eyes. 'Do you fancy him or anything?'

Allen was genuinely horrified at the notion. 'No,' he gurgled. 'No.'

'You know, I've seen chicks swear the same thing to me and have my name scribbled all over their binders with glo-in-the-dark pink markers.'

The door was suddenly pushed open. Lenalee appeared, dressed in a casual tank top and slim jeans accentuating her legs that were about as long as America's coastline.

Allen was saved. He made up his mind to kiss Lenalee's foot later.

'Hey!' Lavi shot up.

'What were the two of you talking about?' Lenalee's eyes narrowed suspiciously at Allen's reddened face.

'We were talking about…' Lavi paused. To tell a girl you liked that you had been discussing about homosexuality issues over a bowl of eggs was hardly a terrific idea.

'Talking about what?' Lenalee's attention was suddenly diverted from the pair. 'Why isn't there anyone at all?' she demanded, addressing the empty restaurant.

Lavi and Allen glanced at each other.

Lenalee sighed. 'Lemme guess. Kanda's temper ran wild again.'

'No,' Lavi shook his head.

Lenalee groaned. 'Do _not_ tell me you let Komui near the drinks.'

'I didn't. We swore an oath, remember?' Lavi remarked, hurt.

'Kanda left Allen in charge of the restaurant while all of you went out,' Lenalee continued guessing, at which Allen let out a cry of protest. 'I thought you had more faith in me,' he sniffed.

'Joking,' Lenalee pouted, ruffling the teen's snow white hair. 'So what happened?' Lenalee strutted to the counter, grabbed a glass and strode to the dispenser, filling the glass with diet coke. Then she joined the boys at the counter. 'Fill me in,' she declared.

Lavi sighed. 'Just look down the street. We've got a heck of a mean rival.'

'Noah's fish and chips?' Lenalee raised an eyebrow. 'The newly opened one? I've been there…'

'Is that why you didn't come here for three evening straight?' Asked Lavi, hurt.

'I didn't know it was stealing our business away.' Lenalee shrugged. 'I'm not sure about their nationally acclaimed fish and chips' – Lenalee pinched to stomach critically – 'But I must say that I'm a sucker for their avocado salad –and that's without the dressing.'

Allen was crestfallen. 'Even better than Kanda's soba?'

Lenalee thought for a while, then shook her head. 'No, but you've got to give them some points for their ambience. It's awesome. They have wooden floor tiles and imported banyan trees from Asia. Tyki even told me that the Christmas trees there cost more than my college tuition…'

'Who's Tyki?' Asked a curious and slightly jealous Lavi.

Lenalee half blushed. 'A cute Portuguese waiter,' she admitted.

'You have officially turned over to the dark side,' declared Allen, feeling exasperated and betrayed.

Lenalee sipped her coke delicately. 'No, I'm just telling all of you why they're faring better than us.' Lenalee scrutinized the shop interior, took in the uncomfortable bamboo chairs Kanda insisted on keeping – 'It's authentic! Those plastic foldable crap will snap too easily' –, one of which was missing a leg (courtesy of Kanda's temper), the curtains so faded that you had to feel it to know it's there, and the fact that the only plant present in the room was algae growing on one of the rusting water pipes.

Then she looked at Lavi and Allen.

Lenalee's maternal instinct took over.

'We're going to have a makeover for the restaurant,' she announced. 'And that includes you guys.'

Images of Barbie in Japan flashed in Lavi's mind. He was alarmed. 'Hell no.'

Lenalee pouted. 'It would be fun', she said, chewing at the end of her straw thoughtfully. She ran her eyes over Lavi and Allen, remarking critically, 'Plus, even though I don't deny that you are one hot bunch, your clothes simply cannot make it. Lavi, you dress like a delinquent. No, you are a delinquent' – Lenalee hastily flicked her hands to stop Lavi from protesting – 'But you don't have to announce it to the whole world. And Kanda's sinister enough without looking like the black hole itself. As for Allen…'

Lenalee's eyes grazed Allen from top to bottom. He felt starkly naked. 'Allen, there's no nice way of putting this. You look like a refugee.'

'Thank you,' remarked Allen dryly.

Lenalee laughed. 'I knew you'd understand, Al,' she gushed, totally misinterpreting his words. She hastily planted a kiss on Allen's cheeks and walked off. Then she turned back and cupper her hands in her mouth and yelled.

'Tomorrow at noon. Pick me up outside the restaurant! See you, lovelies! And do bring Kanda along. In fact, he can drive.'

Lavi slumped back to the chair, defeated.

'This woman has a death wish.'

-

The next day…

Allen, Lavi and Kanda sat broodingly in Kanda's 85 Range Rover. Though the heat had been cranked up to the maximum, everyone was chattering miserably away.

Kanda sat at the front seat, his hands wrapped around the wheels and wishing it were Lenalee's neck instead. 'If she doesn't come soon,' he announced, 'I will run over her.'

'Komui will avenge her,' chimed in Allen.

'Then I will run over him too.'

Lavi sat glumly at the backseat, staring at his glow in the dark wristwatch that changed its screen colour according to the hour. It was eleven; and Lavi's wristwatch was his favourite shade of purple. 'Tick tock tick tock tick tock,' he murmured.

'Your watch is digital,' remarked Allen, ever the observant one.

'Humour me, alright?'

Silence, then,

'Maybe she won't be coming back after all,' piped up Allen, almost too cheerily. 'Maybe the Gods are giving me a chance to preserve our manhood.'

Lavi shook his head, sighing, 'Nah. I know her too well. She's deriving too great a joy from this. The only way she'll sit out is if she's drugged. And bound, gagged and tied up. In a trunk. With four bolts. In Tibet.'

The little company lapsed once again into a gloomy silence.

Until Allen heard a familiar plodding of heels. The Evil Witch of the West (Or is it East? Or North or South? Forgive me, I've never been one for fairytales) has finally arrived.

Lenalee was slightly breathless as she yanked open the back door of the car (she was wise enough to know that, at this moment, walking blindfolded along the great canyon was a great deal safer than if she were to be sitting next to Kanda). She squeezed herself forcibly between Lavi and Allen and apologized profusely.

Allen eyed Lenalee's bulging wallet. 'Did you rob a bank or something? Cuz if you did, I'll really believe you.'

Lenalee giggled. 'Nah. I just had a little whine to Komui that even though my clothes are painfully stylish, it's just a wee bit too revealing. I mean, you won't want punks on the street randomly leering at your sister. And so, taadaah!'

Allen shook his head. 'Girls,' he sighed.

Lenalee did not even bother to mask her grin.

* * *

**The wee lil' bit of AllenxLena was as requested from Kayegaro. Just to let you all know that I accept requests. And that I don't bite. Really. Truly. I mean, just ask me nicely. Not demand. I hate naggers. And ask me just once. ONCE. More than that and you'll have vulgarities hurling towards you in cyberspace, which is not going to be a, ahem, pretty sight.**

**And even though it's centered Yullen/ Lavlena, the story's pairings aren't really solidly put. I mean, we can have this little love octagon where everyone wants a place in everyone else's ass. Of course, it will still be Yullen. Except that everyone will still want a place in everyone else's ass. Err. Yup. Something like that. You get it.**

**One more thing. There are quite a few mistakes in this chapter but it's only halfway beta-ed. I beseech thy fair nature so please don't stone me for punctuation errors. :O**

**[1] Look, I'm no Christian, but if any of you Christians out there finds it insulting, just tell me and I'll edit it. No biggie. :D**


	5. Chapter 5

**The last update for, uh, 10 months (?)  
I am a busy, busy individual. D:**

* * *

Kanda Yu hated the mall.

He hated everything about the mall. He hated the mall with its mall lights, mall music, mall-smell and mall girls who wore mall make up, mall clothes and mall shoes. He hated the mall toilets with its over-helpful flushing systems that almost always managed to flush just when your goddamn butt was still snugly fit on the toilet seat, the mall assistants that tore at you with enthusiasm akin to a pack of rabid dogs that had been on a diet of zucchini shakes for a year in the presence of roast pork.

Kanda Yu hated the mall. The only thing he hated more than the mall was the mall at Christmas. How _many _Santa clauses had they seen so far?! If Kanda saw another living organism making any noise that resembled 'hohoho', he would fucking _eat_ his hair.

'Kanda!' waved Lenalee from a rack of aprons. 'Kanda, I need to check if this apron's your size, so will you kindly come?!'

Kanda un-wisely chose to ignore her. Annoyed, Lenalee grabbed a handful of aprons off the rack, stomped over to Kanda, and threw a red and white striped apron over his head before he could slice it up into a million itty gritty pieces.

Lenalee stepped back and surveyed her handiwork. 'Hnn...not too bad, but I think I've got better.' Following that statement, she forcibly dragged him to the next rack of aprons. Kanda's eyebrows twitched dangerously and let out a primitive growl. Lenalee sighed. She was usually tolerable of Kanda's ill-temper, but chasing away salesgirls by hurling hangers while scolding swear words in a mixture of English, Japanese and gibberish at them brought Kanda's ill-manners to another level. Seriously, was there _anywhere _whereby the Japanese man would stop PMSing? It was almost like a warped version of green eggs and ham: 'I could PMS on a train! I could PMS with a fox! I could PMS in the drain with a cane! I could PMS _anywhere_!'

It also did not help that Lavi and Allen had suspiciously excused themselves to the toilet _just_before she could lead them to the aprons. And that they were somehow gone for forty-five minutes. Lenalee glowered. _They are so going to get it when they come back_, thought Lenalee ominously as she lead the more than reluctant Kanda to yet another row of aprons.

* * *

Allen was twitching nervously. 'Are you sure about this?' He whispered to Lavi. Actually, there was no reason for Allen to lower his voice to below a shout, simply because the two of them were a few hundred metres away from the she-devil and the santa clauses were drowning away all the noise in the mall. However, Allen's gnawing guilt persisted that he turned around every five seconds to check for the presence of Lenalee and generally act as if he were a Al-Qaeda terrorist with a hidden agenda of attacking the shopping centre with tear gas.

Lavi, on the other hand, was much more carefree, acting like a hyped monkey. 'Seriously,' he clucked at Allen disapprovingly. 'Stop acting like we'd just broken out from jail.'

Allen continued to glance around uncomfortably, generally looking like a turkey on the day before thanksgiving, making slashing motions with his finger across his throat and mouthing the dreaded word: _'Lenalee'_.

Lavi rolled his eyes. 'Goodness, she's still bombarding poor Kanda with aprons in the departmental store. We're free to roam about for now!' He proceeded to run off after two blonde chicks with too-tight clothes, only to be forcibly held back by Allen.

'And what if she asks us why we took, oh, an _hour _in the toilet?!' Hissed the British kid.

'Allen, Allen,' Lavi frowned. 'You are really, incredibly, excruciatingly, painfully paranoid. But I guess that's what makes you really cute,' he said, messing with Allen's hair adoringly. Allen jerked away. 'You haven't answered my question! What are we going to tell Lenalee?!'

Lavi shrugged. 'We can think of an answer on the spot. And there's always the good ole excuse of getting lost.'

'It's not gonna work!'

'Stop being such a wet blanket!'

'Look, this is our life at stake!'

The sprout and the rabbit proceeded to stare at each other for the next few seconds, and the glaring match was abruptly halted when the latter's attention was suddenly diverted. 'Hey, look!' He cried.

'Did you see Lenalee?' Allen's eyes widened as he frantically looked for a nearby trash bin to jump in.

Lavi shook his head. 'No, but it's Victoria's Secret up ahead. Let's go in!'

Allen was aghast. 'You can't be serious.'

Lavi proceeded to drag him into the store.

* * *

Tyki Mikk stood amongst mountains of lacy panties.

He felt _slightly_ out-of-place. A gentleman as distinguished as him should not be gracing such a place with his presence, it was bad for his reputation. The fact that the sales girl had been eyeing him with a mixture of curiosity, distaste and fear did not help much, either.

'Ty-ki!' Rhode, his younger adopted sister skipped up to him, holding a scarlet rose-patterned pantie in her hand. She proceeded to shove it right into his face. 'Ty-ki, whadda ya think of this?'

Tyki replied patiently ('it's very nice, dear'), all the while damning himself for loving his sister too much. He was about the only male in the dreaded store.

The only male...until now.

A young boy with bleach hair -British, judging by his accent- was being forcibly shoved into the store by a flaming redhead with an eyepatch. By the looks of it, they were in the middle of a hearty argument (the redhead seemed to be winning).

Rhode tugged at Tyki's sleeves. 'That white haired bean looks hot,' she said.

'Yes,' agreed Tyki. 'Pity he's wearing such substandard rags.' And the red one was not too bad, either.

'Lavi!' Said the white haired boy a little too loudly. By now, everyone (the two salesgirls, Rhode and Tyki himself) in the store was staring at the weird duo, who could not look any more out of place if they tried. One could not help but overhear their conversation. 'Lavi, Lenalee is going to _kill_ us. She's going to stab us with hangers, shove aprons down our throats and whip us with leather belts!' He was almost hysterical by now.

'You over-exaggerate, Al,' scowled the Redhead.

'Lenalee...' Tyki frowned, finding the word very familiar. 'I think I've heard that name before.'

'Isn't she the one that came the past few days and ordered avocado salads everytime?' Rhode replied. 'You know, the Asian babe. Pretty, long hair.'

'Ah, Lenalee lee.' Tyki snapped his fingers. He strode up to the pair, who were still furiously bickering. 'Hello, are the two of you by chance acquainted with Lenalee Lee?'

The pair suddenly ceased their retorts and snapped their heads towards Tyki. 'Yes. And you are...?' the redhead trailed off, leaving a blank for Tyki to answer.

'Tyki Mikk. The little girl beside me' -At which Rhode, angry for being referred to as a little girl, pinched Tyki's butt - '-is Rhode,' smiled Tyki, with a sudden ridiculous urge to take off his hat and bow. 'You may know me as the head chef of Noah's Fish and Chips.'

The sudden, hostile look of the pair surprised Tyki. He was, after all, a man of great charm. Cats were known to have followed him home.

'Noah's Fish and Chips,' said the redhead, slowly. A scowl began to play at his lips.

Tyki smiled, a most charming smile. 'Is there something wrong?'

'No,' said the white haired teen, jabbing his friend by the stomach. 'I'm Allen Walker, and he's Lavi.'

'...Nice to meet you,' said Lavi, his expression, unfortunately, not conveying that particular message.

'Same here,' said Tyki, favouring Allen more but deciding that Lavi was much more interesting.

'We're the ones from the Soba House,' Allen said with a smile that rivaled those on toothpaste ads. _Ah, thay little pathetic Japanese restaurant down the road_, thought Tyki, as a sudden realization swept upon him. _No wonder they don't like me. I've been stealing their business for the past few days, after all._

Tyki attempted to fill in the awkwardness with conversation. 'I suppose you may be wondering why I know Ms Lenalee,' he said. 'She's came to our restaurant a few days ago.'

Lavi's thunderous face told Tyki exactly what deep shit he had landed himself into.

'...Anyway,' coughed Tyki. 'Is she your girlfriend by chance?'

Lavi gave him a look that froze oceans. Allen hastily answered for his friend. 'No, just really great friends.'

'Ah.'

A deep silence followed. Allen, in a desperate attempt to break the silence, suddenly blurted out, 'would you like to see Lenalee? She with us here, today. At the departmental store... With another friend of mine.'

Tyki raised his eyebrows. 'Sure! I'd love to...' his gaze dropped onto Lavi, who was looking homicidal. Allen laughed nervously and edged his partner aside. 'I'm sure Lavi's more than glad for your company, too.'

Tyki was about to say more, when he was suddenly aware of the lack of Rhode's constant yakking. Rhode usually talked like a bullet train, with or without company. It seemed unusual that she would be so demure today. Tyki looked down. Rhode was (rather unbefittingly) hugging his waist shyly, her other free hand twirling her spiky hair girlishly as she looked at Allen with a smitten puppy dog face. Her rose pantie was discreetly hidden behind her back.

Tyki would've laughed, if not for the fact that Rhode looked so cute at the moment he could turn pedo, and that he shared the exact same sentiments with her. It was long since he had met someone with charm like Allen. And his sidekick. His sidekick looked pretty hot, too.

God. Now he was both pedo _and_ homosexual.

* * *

'What the _fuck _are you thinking?!' Lavi hissed at Allen as they led the way for Tyki and Rhode. 'Traitor!'

Allen winced. 'Aww, come on. It's not _that _bad an idea. I mean, look at the bright side! At least Lenalee won't kill us in the presence of others.'

Lavi gave Allen a 'you-know,-if-not-for-the-fact-that-we're-friends-I-would've-killed-you-twice-already' look. The lift stopped and they entered the departmental store. Allen looked around. 'Where's Lenalee?'

'Here.'

The four of them turned to see Lenalee and Kanda. They looked like they were playing tug of war with an apron with smiling vegetables on it.

Unfortunately, the apron was about the only thing smiling.

'Where the _hell _have the two of you been?' Lenalee looked as if she were going to holler the shit out of the two when she suddenly spotted Tyki and Rhode behind Allen and Lavi. 'Gosh! Tyki, Rhode! What're you two doing here?'

'I happened to have the honour of meeting the two of them in... uh, in a store.' Tyki looked like he was about to say more, but stopped himself. 'So they brought me here.'

'...The honour of meeting us. The _honour_! Seriously, what fucking _era _is he from?!' Lavi whispered to Allen. A little too loudly. Tyki attempted to look neutral while Lenalee graced Lavi with a trademark 'once-we're-alone-I-am-going-to-cut-off-your-left-testicles-and-saw-off-your-right-one' look.

Tyki coughed, looked at Allen and Lavi regretfully, and said, 'I suppose I should be going now.'

* * *

**It's _AllenxRhode_ for dragonheart3, _lucky_(squint through Lavi's shroud of hate, lovelies) for angelicdevil97, and _Pokerpair_ for Vinasuki and me because _I. am. awesome._:D But bear in mind that I could only fufill these requests because the scenario allowed me to do so (therefore, no MirandaxKrory for you, nutella ):)**

**I am going on hiatus (at least this story is). I can't say that I'm quitting forever, because I like this story too much. But I also can't assume that I'll be updating even _irregularly_ anymore. Because:**

**1. My Yullen love is diminishing. Did anyone of you realise that some really, really great Yullen writers have disappered off FF for good? (I think some of you know who I am refering to.) And some other also awesome writers have kinda switched over to another fandom. Even though there're really a lot more fics on -man nowadays, there are hardly any really good ones. Of course, this does not mean I'm claiming that I am too awesome for this fandom. Or that my fic is even a good one. I'm just saying that, without fics I like to motivate me, I can hardly continue writing with the enthusiasm I have. And writing without enthusiasm is just a painful, forced and awkward process that garners painful, forced and awkward results I'd rather not have.**

**2. School. (The one, solitary omni-potent word that explains _all_. :D) Major exams coming up next year, and I'm going to get straight A's or die trying.**

**So I guess I'll be seeing you all in afterlife.  
Hays.**

**Ps. Anyone know if there's gonna be a Yullen week at _all_? D: Because holy shat, I still lovelovelove Yullen even if I'm going to have dementia. D:**


	6. Chapter 6

Hello, folks! No, I'm sorry if I cheated your feelings, but this is _not _an update.

I'm not updating anymore! Due to something that happened (refer to my profile) and a severe lack of inspiration and interest in this fandom (no, I still love Yullen, I pledged my undying love for it, but I honestly do _not _have the motivation to write anymore) as well as other... stuff, which includes 1) schoolwork and 2) livejournal! I'm posting everything there now; feel free to tell me if you want to add me thair~

I'm so sorry! *A* A big thank you to all my readers who have, impressively, tolerated my unthinkable mounds of craptistic language and gutwrenchingly bad grammar and everything else horrendous. I honestly and truthfully love all of you to hell and back, especially for the reviews and faves that meant**_ a lot _**to a once budding fanfic writer (you cannot imagine how much).

/bows/


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